If I cry right now, I might not stop. If I let the pain out, it might suck me whole.
If I allow the darkness freed,
it might be too strong for me to fight.
If I allow myself to grieve for the things I wished I had, I might get blinded for the things that I do have.
If I let my hold on calm, on peace, on the knowledge that my God has got me, I might end up breaking into tiny pieces, never to be whole again.

So I will keep it in. I will inhale and exhale and be thankful that I still get to do that. I am tough. I am capable. I am able. And most importantly, He has got me in His palm, and I need not fear.

I need not doubt.

The ticking bomb that is me will remain His, and with His help, I will do my best not to explode.

Not anytime soon…