This is so true, I can’t even believe I didn’t think of it.

Breathe, Bee. Life’s good. God’s good.
You’re good.

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If I cry right now, I might not stop. If I let the pain out, it might suck me whole.
If I allow the darkness freed,
it might be too strong for me to fight.
If I allow myself to grieve for the things I wished I had, I might get blinded for the things that I do have.
If I let my hold on calm, on peace, on the knowledge that my God has got me, I might end up breaking into tiny pieces, never to be whole again.

So I will keep it in. I will inhale and exhale and be thankful that I still get to do that. I am tough. I am capable. I am able. And most importantly, He has got me in His palm, and I need not fear.

I need not doubt.

The ticking bomb that is me will remain His, and with His help, I will do my best not to explode.

Not anytime soon…

The Unknown Unrequited

I have never met a person so in love as she is with you.

She would call me up, right after school, just to tell me what you guys talked about when you walked her home. She would gush about every little detail — how you looked talking about your grandparents who recently visited, how you would listen to her talking about her new puppy, how you guys would say something at the same time and get all awkward and shy with each other, only to end up laughing like idiots (her words). I could hear her smiling from the other line, and then there will be a long pregnant pause. She would start thinking about how she was feeling, and knowing her as well as I do, I could practically hear her questioning the rightness of her happiness. She would then ask me what I think of you… But then, even before I could speak, she’d start listing down the reasons why you were so perfect — how you helped her in the library that first time you met, how you offered to teach her for that tough Algebra exam, how you waved at her that one time in the gym and had made her feel butterflies in her stomach, how you were so kind to your younger brothers, how you would smile at her when your eyes meet in the cafeteria, or across the hall, or in the gym, or basically anywhere. She would defend you to me, even if I haven’t said anything. She would berate me for not wanting to get to know you. She would ask me, for the nth time, to walk with you guys home, so I can know that you are a good guy, deserving of such a great girl.

I have never met a person so in love as she is with you… because how can you meet your own self?