One of the most calming things in the world is to look up in the stars, and let yourself be reminded, that no matter how hectic, stressful, strenuous, or terrible life can get, we remain to be a mere dot in the vast scheme of things. The world is greater than all our anxieties combined, and even better to remember, the God who created it all is immeasurable in His glory and greatness.

Remember that, and keep the faith.

Inbisibol

Nakita kita.
Nakangiti ka.
Hindi mo ko nakita.
Pero, okay lang.
Next week ulit.

Maghihintay ako,
na si Lord na
ang gumawa ng paraan.
Kung meron talaga,
it’ll happen.

At kung wala naman…

Nakita kita.
Nakangiti ka.
Yun lang…

Sapat na.

Kung Ikaw

Unang beses nagkausap
pero bakit ganoon?
Parang nakilala na kita,
sa ibang panahon.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag.
Maski ako’y naguguluhan.
Ang alam ko lang
pakiramdam ko’y magaan.

Kapag nakikita ka,
di ko mapigilang kiligin.
Pero maingat akong itago,
itong lihim na pagtingin.

Ipinagdarasal ko na
magkar’on ng pagkakataon,
na makilala ka pa ng husto
at malaman ang rason

Kung bakit nagkita tayo
sa gitna ng ulan,
at kung iyong tatanggapin
itong aking nararamdaman.

Pagkat sa oras na ito,
ayaw ko nang mabitin.
Gusto kong malaman,
kung ikaw nga ang dapat ibigin.

MIBF 2016: A Day to Remember

Here are my before and after shots of the MIBF 2016.

So I promised I would go back and I did, only this time, I dragged my mom with me because… reasons.

(Might get into that… later).

Anyway, the morning of the fair, mother and I attended a Jewels event that took mostly the whole morning. We learned about laughter yoga and got to listen to a very uplifting talk about a woman’s self-esteem. Over-all, the day started very well.

But the highlight of my weekend was the fair that I have been waiting since last year. I saved up money to bring with me because last year, apart from getting there on the very last day, I didn’t really have the moolah to use on any of the books.

The experience this year was better in the sense that I got to hoard a bunch and didn’t even go beyond my budget, thanks to the discount Fullybooked had.

Still, I took note of some learnings, like:

1. Come early or late, but never in between. Last year, Agnes and I were SOOOO late, some of the book stands had already closed, but that’s fine because I don’t really go to the fair for those kinds of books. I go for the fiction ones, and Fullybooked is definitely a staple go-to. Next year, I plan to come early so as to avoid the long lines and the (ugh) crowds.

2. Wear comfy shoes. Especially if I go solo next year, since I’m pretty sure I’ll end up waiting in line for the most part. This year, with mom in tow, I got to go around and get my hoard, while she stayed in line for me. It all worked well in the end, though she kept complaining her feet hurt. Mine too. So wear comfy shoes. Better yet, wear comfy everything.

3. Eat before going in. Pretty self-explanatory.

4. Research books to look for. Most of the ones I bought, I’ve had my eye on before the fair. I really wanted to get my set of HP books, which is going to be my number one priority next year. Hopefully, they’d give it a discount as well. I want to keep my set for my future children and/or nieces and nephews. It’s a good investment, from a book lover’s point of view.

5. Save up. The money I had was good and I didn’t overspend (there) but any extras would be great since I am only ever in MOA a couple of times a year, and next year, maybe I can go around the place (even though crowds scare the sh*t out of me) and get to have some adventure outside of the fair.

So far, I’ve read one of the books I’ve bought and have started reading another that I bought outside of the fair but in the Fullybooked Katipunan branch (they went on an anniversary sale).


I need to get to work on my lesson plans now, so I can get my life back on track and not be guilty about it.

Hello Tumblr!

I can’t believe I managed a whole month (September) without writing or even visiting you! My last post was a pre-birthday greeting! So much has happened since…

I am so sorry, blog of mine. Life… just took over.

Well, I got myself a dream journal for my birthday, and that pretty much helped ground me the way you used to. Work’s also been hectic.

But today, I took a mental health day. Well, that and the fact that I had such a difficult time getting a ride to work, which is why I am at home instead of in school. A part of me feels guilty, but for the most part, I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason.

(I made up an excuse that I tripped and sprained my left foot, which is half a lie because I really DID trip my foot, but after tripping on it as many times as I have had in the last three years, I think the bump it has is already permanent. I can still walk on it, but it has started to bother me some; I think it’s my brain though, being fooled by my very own *white* lie.)

Anyway, I’m giving myself a couple of hours to update you with my life so far:

AT HOME

I’m glad to report that my home life is going on smoothly. Mom and I have not been in an argument, and my writing that doesn’t make me worry about jinxing our peace. Whatever issues or problems we may have had is in the past; I’m glad my mom’s here with me, and that I get to share stories about my day-to-day with her. As for my brother, well, I know he has been trying to make time for us to have some bonding sessions. It’s his birth month now, and I still don’t know what I’ll give him for his 26th birthday. Something he’ll enjoy but still within my budget probably. Over-all, home life is smooth.

It’s the friends part that is a little shaky. I guess this is one of the reasons I didn’t want to update you that much. Pami and Jhay… are I don’t knows. I’m not sure about them anymore. They’ve left, I guess. Or I closed the door behind them. Maybe one day, I can write more clearly about it. Right now, I don’t want to spend the morning bawling over what’s gone. So let’s leave it at that.

WORK FAMILY

Good thing that on the work front, I am A-OK. It’s like I went through a 360-degree turnaround, being so unhappy this time last year in AC and now enjoying the chaotic life in MIIS. It’s also a great plus that my co-workers, particularly my batch mates/ fellow new teachers, are awesome. I’ve gotten into a routine with five of them; we all carpool in Kaira’s car after work. They become my support group of sorts. The fact that I’m the oldest in that group also helps; I can now sound like a know-it-all without having to pretend, because I sort of do know-some-of-it, with my seven years of teaching experience. I am extremely grateful, overall.

SPIRITUAL LIFE

Still, the best, best part of my life right now is my spiritual life. I’ve been actively attending The Feast every Sunday, and have started contributing for the bulletin as well as serving for the Singles Ministry chorus every 3rd Sunday of the month. Seriously, the whole experience of praise and worship is a totally different kind of addictive high. For everything/ one that I may have lost this year, I have gained something greater, better and ultimately life improving. It’s The Feast that rejuvenates me, refills my Love Tank, keeps me sane and helps me focus on the good and the light.

HEALTH CONCERNS

Which is a good thing, considering that I have *temporarily* stopped my work-out regimen. I know, I know. I’ve thrown all the progress I’ve started this summer out the window, because I wasn’t consistent and I didn’t stick to the plan. But I’ve learned a long time ago that berating myself for failing is never a good way to get myself back on track. I’ll give myself time. Discipline is something I still need to learn, even now at 28.

REALIZATIONS

Whew! I am 28. In two years time, I’ll be 30. Gad. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in a calm, collected mode, but the idea of turning 30 in a couple of years isn’t making me insane with anxiety right now. Maybe later. Or maybe, I have matured in the last month and it longer bothers me at all. Because really, it’s just a number. My fears and doubts about my self and my future are just negative thoughts; I’d rather celebrate the positive present.

POSITIVE POSSIBILITIES AND PLANS

I still hope for the possibilities though:

  1. I want to take my Masters in the Ateneo. 
  2. I want to travel the Philippines.
  3. I want to swim with the jellyfish in Palau.
  4. I want to learn to cook, garden, bake and do domestic work without hating it.
  5. I want to start a small business that’s related to my interests.
  6. I want to invest in the stock exchange so I can have a passive income.
  7. I want to sing, to dance, to write for Lord.

I want to serve God through others.

By the way, that’s my life’s mission statement. I’ve recently gotten it and I honestly think it’s what has helped me overcome… everything.


So that’s my life in a capsule, so far. I don’t want to promise anything I can’t uphold, especially to myself. I’ll keep this blog up, for as long as I can, but I don’t know if I can update it as much as I used to. I’ll try my best though.

God knows blogging has always been a way for me to get through the messiness in my head. It’s a gift I do not want to take for granted and waste.

Until later then…

Let’s talk about The Feast, specifically the one I attended today.

More than just the blessing of the mass, and the talk, there was one answered prayer that was given to me even though I didn’t really ask for it out loud.

And I have to write it in all caps because the feeling is just too intense not to do so.

Here goes:

MY CRUSH SAT BESIDE ME AND WE GOT TO HOLD HANDS SO MANY TIMES I LOST COUNT AND HIS HANDS ARE THE PERFECT FIT TO MINE AND HIS GRIP WAS STRONG AND I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’M SMILING RIGHT NOW AT JUST THE THOUGHT THAT WHEN ONE OF THE WORSHIP LEADERS ASKED THE PEOPLE FROM THE BACK TO MOVE CLOSER TO THE STAGE AND THEN HE WAS SUDDENLY BESIDE ME AND THE GIRL HE WAS SITTING WITH BEFORE THEY MOVED SAT ON MY RIGHT SO HE SAT ON MY LEFT SIDE AND HE’S SHOULDERS WERE SO BROAD AND I WAS A LITTLE TALLER THAN HIM BECAUSE I WAS WEARING MY HEELS BUT YEAH THAT’S FINE BECAUSE I LIKE SHORT GUYS AND SERIOUSLY I CAN’T.

There.

I’m not even going to let myself edit that whole thing.

Seriously, though, this guy was the first and only person in The Feast that made an impression on me. Okay. I am attracted to him. I don’t know why precisely, but I am excited to get to know him better. I’m not going to do anything rash though. I know perfectly well how easy it is to crash and burn. I’ve learned from those experiences. I know that I may be projecting my attraction to him, when I think I feel him looking at me or that when our eyes meet, his are sparkling. Ugh. Even writing it makes me a bit annoyed at myself for sounding so cheesy. Still, I’m grateful that I am able to find someone attractive again. IT HAS BEEN SOOOO FREAKING LONG. (Yes, it’s in all caps again, because it has been an intense amount of time — FOUR FREAKING YEARS!)

I don’t know if he’s single or dating anyone. I don’t even know if he likes me that way. I don’t know anything about him apart from that he’s a guidance counselor in a school near his house (and I know his house because that was where I first saw him, in the first CG I attended four months ago). I also know he’s looking for a girlfriend, because one of my current co-teachers and closest work friend used to work with him in a different school. Yep, we live in a very small world, where people we both know, know us.

I am praying that in the next CG, God will bring us to the same light group. If that happens, I’ll take that as a sign that my crush/ attraction on him is a good thing, for me. If it doesn’t, then, I’ll keep mum about this whole thing and not bring it up anymore. Unless something unexpected like this happens… which I sure hope it does, because really, I want love in my life. I want to be love and I want to love. I think I am ready for it. I am hoping I am. The only way to know for sure is to risk it. And I am willing to do it.

I am praying it’ll be worth it.

Three Things | August 2016

1. Serve in and bring someone new to The Feast.
2. Get enough sleep. (At least 7 hours)
3. Get my work stuff organized.

Whoa! It’s into week two of August. My delayed update is somewhat affected by the fact that I am, sadly, 0/3 this last month.

Let me explain:

I didn’t get to fix my baon/ dinner every Sunday because it has become our PBJ day, and by the time I get home, I’m too tired and/or too lazy to move. Mostly it’s the latter, I admit. But the other factor is that I didn’t get to buy stuff from the grocery because I had to prioritize other utilities. Anyway, I am hoping to get back to cooking, soon, since it has become a surprisingly de-stressing task.

I also haven’t finishedm my first quarter requirements, BUT I’m more than halfway through. I’m planning to devote some time today on doing that.

As for the updating my blog, once a week… well, we pretty much know what happened to that so…

Let’s move on.

Since August is my birth month, I’ve committed myself to two goals which the #1 above. So far, I’ve got to do both (served in the bulletin, sang in the chorus and had brother go with me last Sunday, which was AWESOME). Still, I am planning to do more, in other ways possible. I am also hoping to get some of my co-teachers go with me. If God wills it, it will happen.

As for the sleep, I need to be more disciplined with my computer/ internet use. No more meaningless late nights. Sleep is gold.

So far my work stuff are organized, if not yet finished. I need to keep it that way, especially with the second quarter just around the corner.

All will be well. I know this.