I can’t believe I managed a whole month (September) without writing or even visiting you! My last post was a pre-birthday greeting! So much has happened since…
I am so sorry, blog of mine. Life… just took over.
Well, I got myself a dream journal for my birthday, and that pretty much helped ground me the way you used to. Work’s also been hectic.
But today, I took a mental health day. Well, that and the fact that I had such a difficult time getting a ride to work, which is why I am at home instead of in school. A part of me feels guilty, but for the most part, I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason.
(I made up an excuse that I tripped and sprained my left foot, which is half a lie because I really DID trip my foot, but after tripping on it as many times as I have had in the last three years, I think the bump it has is already permanent. I can still walk on it, but it has started to bother me some; I think it’s my brain though, being fooled by my very own *white* lie.)
Anyway, I’m giving myself a couple of hours to update you with my life so far:
I’m glad to report that my home life is going on smoothly. Mom and I have not been in an argument, and my writing that doesn’t make me worry about jinxing our peace. Whatever issues or problems we may have had is in the past; I’m glad my mom’s here with me, and that I get to share stories about my day-to-day with her. As for my brother, well, I know he has been trying to make time for us to have some bonding sessions. It’s his birth month now, and I still don’t know what I’ll give him for his 26th birthday. Something he’ll enjoy but still within my budget probably. Over-all, home life is smooth.
It’s the friends part that is a little shaky. I guess this is one of the reasons I didn’t want to update you that much. Pami and Jhay… are I don’t knows. I’m not sure about them anymore. They’ve left, I guess. Or I closed the door behind them. Maybe one day, I can write more clearly about it. Right now, I don’t want to spend the morning bawling over what’s gone. So let’s leave it at that.
Good thing that on the work front, I am A-OK. It’s like I went through a 360-degree turnaround, being so unhappy this time last year in AC and now enjoying the chaotic life in MIIS. It’s also a great plus that my co-workers, particularly my batch mates/ fellow new teachers, are awesome. I’ve gotten into a routine with five of them; we all carpool in Kaira’s car after work. They become my support group of sorts. The fact that I’m the oldest in that group also helps; I can now sound like a know-it-all without having to pretend, because I sort of do know-some-of-it, with my seven years of teaching experience. I am extremely grateful, overall.
Still, the best, best part of my life right now is my spiritual life. I’ve been actively attending The Feast every Sunday, and have started contributing for the bulletin as well as serving for the Singles Ministry chorus every 3rd Sunday of the month. Seriously, the whole experience of praise and worship is a totally different kind of addictive high. For everything/ one that I may have lost this year, I have gained something greater, better and ultimately life improving. It’s The Feast that rejuvenates me, refills my Love Tank, keeps me sane and helps me focus on the good and the light.
Which is a good thing, considering that I have *temporarily* stopped my work-out regimen. I know, I know. I’ve thrown all the progress I’ve started this summer out the window, because I wasn’t consistent and I didn’t stick to the plan. But I’ve learned a long time ago that berating myself for failing is never a good way to get myself back on track. I’ll give myself time. Discipline is something I still need to learn, even now at 28.
Whew! I am 28. In two years time, I’ll be 30. Gad. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in a calm, collected mode, but the idea of turning 30 in a couple of years isn’t making me insane with anxiety right now. Maybe later. Or maybe, I have matured in the last month and it longer bothers me at all. Because really, it’s just a number. My fears and doubts about my self and my future are just negative thoughts; I’d rather celebrate the positive present.
POSITIVE POSSIBILITIES AND PLANS
I still hope for the possibilities though:
- I want to take my Masters in the Ateneo.
- I want to travel the Philippines.
- I want to swim with the jellyfish in Palau.
- I want to learn to cook, garden, bake and do domestic work without hating it.
- I want to start a small business that’s related to my interests.
- I want to invest in the stock exchange so I can have a passive income.
- I want to sing, to dance, to write for Lord.
I want to serve God through others.
By the way, that’s my life’s mission statement. I’ve recently gotten it and I honestly think it’s what has helped me overcome… everything.
So that’s my life in a capsule, so far. I don’t want to promise anything I can’t uphold, especially to myself. I’ll keep this blog up, for as long as I can, but I don’t know if I can update it as much as I used to. I’ll try my best though.
God knows blogging has always been a way for me to get through the messiness in my head. It’s a gift I do not want to take for granted and waste.
Until later then…