More than just the blessing of the mass, and the talk, there was one answered prayer that was given to me even though I didn’t really ask for it out loud.
And I have to write it in all caps because the feeling is just too intense not to do so.
MY CRUSH SAT BESIDE ME AND WE GOT TO HOLD HANDS SO MANY TIMES I LOST COUNT AND HIS HANDS ARE THE PERFECT FIT TO MINE AND HIS GRIP WAS STRONG AND I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’M SMILING RIGHT NOW AT JUST THE THOUGHT THAT WHEN ONE OF THE WORSHIP LEADERS ASKED THE PEOPLE FROM THE BACK TO MOVE CLOSER TO THE STAGE AND THEN HE WAS SUDDENLY BESIDE ME AND THE GIRL HE WAS SITTING WITH BEFORE THEY MOVED SAT ON MY RIGHT SO HE SAT ON MY LEFT SIDE AND HE’S SHOULDERS WERE SO BROAD AND I WAS A LITTLE TALLER THAN HIM BECAUSE I WAS WEARING MY HEELS BUT YEAH THAT’S FINE BECAUSE I LIKE SHORT GUYS AND SERIOUSLY I CAN’T.
I’m not even going to let myself edit that whole thing.
Seriously, though, this guy was the first and only person in The Feast that made an impression on me. Okay. I am attracted to him. I don’t know why precisely, but I am excited to get to know him better. I’m not going to do anything rash though. I know perfectly well how easy it is to crash and burn. I’ve learned from those experiences. I know that I may be projecting my attraction to him, when I think I feel him looking at me or that when our eyes meet, his are sparkling. Ugh. Even writing it makes me a bit annoyed at myself for sounding so cheesy. Still, I’m grateful that I am able to find someone attractive again. IT HAS BEEN SOOOO FREAKING LONG. (Yes, it’s in all caps again, because it has been an intense amount of time — FOUR FREAKING YEARS!)
I don’t know if he’s single or dating anyone. I don’t even know if he likes me that way. I don’t know anything about him apart from that he’s a guidance counselor in a school near his house (and I know his house because that was where I first saw him, in the first CG I attended four months ago). I also know he’s looking for a girlfriend, because one of my current co-teachers and closest work friend used to work with him in a different school. Yep, we live in a very small world, where people we both know, know us.
I am praying that in the next CG, God will bring us to the same light group. If that happens, I’ll take that as a sign that my crush/ attraction on him is a good thing, for me. If it doesn’t, then, I’ll keep mum about this whole thing and not bring it up anymore. Unless something unexpected like this happens… which I sure hope it does, because really, I want love in my life. I want to be love and I want to love. I think I am ready for it. I am hoping I am. The only way to know for sure is to risk it. And I am willing to do it.
I am praying it’ll be worth it.
1. Serve in and bring someone new to The Feast.
2. Get enough sleep. (At least 7 hours)
3. Get my work stuff organized.
Whoa! It’s into week two of August. My delayed update is somewhat affected by the fact that I am, sadly, 0/3 this last month.
Let me explain:
I didn’t get to fix my baon/ dinner every Sunday because it has become our PBJ day, and by the time I get home, I’m too tired and/or too lazy to move. Mostly it’s the latter, I admit. But the other factor is that I didn’t get to buy stuff from the grocery because I had to prioritize other utilities. Anyway, I am hoping to get back to cooking, soon, since it has become a surprisingly de-stressing task.
I also haven’t finishedm my first quarter requirements, BUT I’m more than halfway through. I’m planning to devote some time today on doing that.
As for the updating my blog, once a week… well, we pretty much know what happened to that so…
Let’s move on.
Since August is my birth month, I’ve committed myself to two goals which the #1 above. So far, I’ve got to do both (served in the bulletin, sang in the chorus and had brother go with me last Sunday, which was AWESOME). Still, I am planning to do more, in other ways possible. I am also hoping to get some of my co-teachers go with me. If God wills it, it will happen.
As for the sleep, I need to be more disciplined with my computer/ internet use. No more meaningless late nights. Sleep is gold.
So far my work stuff are organized, if not yet finished. I need to keep it that way, especially with the second quarter just around the corner.
All will be well. I know this.
First, let me say sorry for not updating you as I should have. We’re already two weeks in to August — our favorite month of the year — and my last update was in July.
Truth be told, I have not been feeling the need to put thoughts into paper for quite some time now. I think it’s a combination of the many good things happening in my life now. My answered prayers. But since I am up at 5:40 AM on a very rainy Saturday morning, I figured this is the best time to update you.
Now, we are a week away from my 28th birthday, and your 1st anniversary. My! How time went by so fast?! Or maybe not. It was a long, difficult, challenging journey that led to this moment, and as tough as I had gotten, I wouldn’t change anything. Everything happened for a reason. Everything eventually fell into their proper places. Sure, there are still a number of things that needs to be worked on, but I am willing to do the work, because I am 100% that at the end, all will be well.
But I am getting way ahead of myself. Perhaps a list would be bettter.
My Answered Prayers
- My colds dissipated BEFORE the wetter part of the year came. It would have been more difficult to self-medicate had it not. Also, I wouldn’t be happy on my birthday if I still couldn’t use my taste buds.
- My advisory class, 4A, is just adorable. I got lucky with this one! And to think I was actually hoping to get 4B because then it’ll be Bee in 4B and 4A to Zia! Six weeks into teaching and getting to know the kids, and I know I got the luck of draw! Let’s just say that in 4A, I get to hear myself think, and as a teacher, that’s precious.
- I am financially-calm. It’s a new thing I’m starting to appreciate. For a long time, I’ve been aiming to be financially-secured. But that doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, work and discipline. I have no problem with those, though the latter also needs work in itself. Still, it’s great that I don’t have to worry about money.
- I have no worries. This is partly because I found a secure job in a workplace I truly love, and mostly because I have surrendered it all to Him.
- I found my happy place in The Feast. Been regularly attending since April. The only time I missed a session was when I attended the Singles’ Team Building, and even then, I managed to attend the Saturday session.
- I have began serving in The Feast: through the bulletin (here and here) and in the chorus for the Singles’ Session last Sunday. It was an awesome experience! I love singing worship songs. I always feel much more closer to God when I do.
- I’ve met some very interesting, good people in the ministry and at school.
- I have a crush in the ministry! *kilig*
- My batchmates at work – KAIRA, BECCA, SARAH, ELSIE, JAHZ, PORTIA, CHAMP, JAS, Ms. TERE, Ms. AI and TOM – are the best batchmates ever!
- My other co-teachers in the LMS – T. ZIA, T. ISA, T. EYDDIE, T. GIA, T. NIKKI, T. MEG, T. KAT, T. YVETTE, T. MINNIE, T. EMZ, T. ANNA, T. LYN and T. CHILL – are the also the best “seasoned” co-teachers I’ve ever met. How so? Well, they’re open to explaining things to any of the new teachers who asks, in a friendly, I-want-you-to-understand-without-being-condescending way. They’ve included us and made us part of the community. Best of all: they don’t pith us against each other, because seriously, why would they? It’s not a competition!
- I honestly think I’ve found lasting friendships with a couple of my co-teachers.
- My working relationship with Zia (my partner in Grade 4) is smooth-sailing. I am still praying for the day we can actually be friends, rather than just friendly. I know it’ll happen; good things just take time.
- I get to carpool to home from school with my batchmates through Kaira’s car. We’ve agreed to just pay for part of her gas money, which is a bit more than what I would spend if I commuted home, but it’s all worth it. Traffic in Katipunan is hellish. Besides, I like the company.
- I’m done with my scheduled observations! I managed to get the first slots ahead of time, and now I don’t have to think about any impending visits from both my coordinators.
- As usual, I am enjoying teaching English, but even more so now that I get to teach the literature part as well.
- Teaching Social Studies in Grade 4 (which currently focuses on Geography) is just awesome! To be honest, I am enjoying it even more than when I teach English! Who would have thought, right?
- I have PBJ. Seriously, what else can I ask for? #fiveyearsandcounting
- I have Twenty. She’s been sleeping more than her usual, but I guess that’s part of being an adult cat. She remains to be as catty and as sassy as before. I still want to get her checked-up on soon, just to be secure.
- My blog is a year old! I’m so amazed that it’s been a year already, and at the same time, I am just feeling grateful. Through all the difficult times, I got to express, chronicle and put into order my thoughts and feelings in this blog. From my very first post to now, writing in this blog has always left me feeling better, lighter, happier. I may get too busy/ lazy to update you as frequently as I used to in my previous blogs, but I will always, always come back to you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US BLOG!
I’m now having an internal debate on whether I should read my birthday letter to 28 y/o me now, a week before I turn 28, or delay it for next week and write the 27 things that happened on my 27th year…
But first, an update on my Three Things.