It’s been three days since my demo from OLOPSC and I’m still *waiting* for their call back. I don’t know if the fact that they cut it short is a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know if the fact that I am an alumna and used to teach in the grade school is a factor, and if it is, if it’s positive or negative against my chances of coming back. I don’t know if I’ll get the recommendation letter and the certificate of employment that I paid for last week any time soon, and the other school I applied to have called me and messaged me a couple of times already, asking for the character references so they can work on my contract. The only thing that is stopping me from giving them the email addresses of my former direct supervisors, (apart from the fact that I am a little worried that my most recent immediate boss might not be too excited to give me a recommendation, considering that I haven’t even finished working on my clearance; I am planning to do that once I get another job contract finalized), is the fact that I really, really want to get back to OLOPSC more than I want to try my luck in this other school. (I’m not saying it’s name because when I do, it’ll feel like I’m starting a new thing with it, and I’m not… yet… at least I’m not sure yet if I will.)  

The thing is, I want to go back to OLOPSC because it hits all three criteria (as I have already written): it’s nearby, the pay’s better and I’ll be teaching high school.

If I go with the other school, it’s two rides away (though still closer than AC, roughly an hour travel time). I’m also not so sure of how much the salary would be. I do know that I’ll be teaching Grade 4, which is appealing to me because I do miss teaching kids, and the school’s also non-traditional in the sense that they keep their classes really small. I’ve gotten my self excited over learning some new things there.

But still… my heart tells me I should wait for OLOPSC.

Which is what I am doing.

The thing is, I’m technically “on vacation” but I don’t really know what I can do to make it go faster. I want to work. I miss working. I miss doing something with such intensity and focus, that I lose track of time and when I get to bed, I fall asleep the moment my head falls on the pillow.

I miss doing something meaningful and important. I miss being the Beryl that takes on a project and nitpicks every minute detail and gets it done.

I miss my old, tired, perpetually imbalanced self.

I would like to introduce her to my present, chill, take your time self, and find that balance I’ve always wanted and craved for.

And I want to do that in OLOPSC, because it just feels like the right place. Sort of like a full circle thing.

I’m not losing hope though. Until they tell me no, sorry, I won’t give up.

For now, I’m going to make the most of my vacation time, with minimum expenses as possible, since I am still in between jobs. My last pay from AC has yet to be released (because of the clearance thing) and I’m letting it stay that way so I have a small cushion at least. I was home alone last night and will be for the next two or three nights (depending on my brother’s plans of coming home tomorrow after staying at work for the last five days). This opportunity might never happen again, so instead of complaining that I’m tired of my own company, I’m going to do everything I know I can only do when I’m alone.

Though to be honest, there’s not much stuff I can’t do whether I’m alone or not. Perks of being single.

And being me.


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