I think I’ve written before that I didn’t really have clear plans after I graduated college and get my teacher’s license. Now I have all this free time to reflect and make plans, something that used to terrify me, but now it’s actually very liberating and calming. I don’t feel hurried anymore, nor do I feel incompetent or incapable.
Though it is still scare to admit, but I am at peace right now.
The fact that I can laugh at the fact that three years after leaving OLOPSC, I now badly want to be part of it again. A part of me wishes I still had my rant posts against OLOPSC, just to remind myself why I wanted out of it so badly before. But all those were deleted when I closed my old blog. In a way, it’s better this way. I need to stop living in the past and just enjoy the present. Right now, OLOPSC feels like the best choice.
I’m still waiting for their call back regarding my demo. I am a little bothered that they didn’t let me finish through the whole discussion, mostly because I really missed discussing in class and I was just getting into the groove when they signalled me to cut it short.
OLOPSC is far from being perfect, but it has always felt like home to me. I remember that that was one of the (many) reasons I wanted out: the idea of never getting out of my “comfort zone” and becoming complacent made me scared shitless. (And you know I mean it when I curse, since I don’t curse on principle.)
Three years later, I’ve realized that it isn’t about getting out of my comfort zone that I should be working on, but more of widening it.
There’s also the lack of work-life balance that I had to deal with there. I had a lot of assignments from the admin: faculty representative for the PTA, adviser for the grade school paper, class adviser for the worst class in the graduating batch, yearbook committee head, right – hand/ favorite of the English Subject Area Coordinator. All these made me really proud of myself, but it also got me really tired that the quality ofm y work suffered. I had to learn how and when to say no, and get my life outside of school back.
In the three years I’ve been away, I’ve learned that I am not my work, but how I do my work. I’m only going to do my best if there’s balance, if I get time to rest and recharge, and if I see a purposeful change and growth amidst it.
I don’t know if OLOPSC will take me back, even if I am ready to come back. I am hoping they will. I’m risking my other viable work option for it, because this is really what I want. All three criteria is met if I get OLOPSC: better pay (compared to AC), close to home (walking distance) and I’ll be teaching in the high school.
All I can do now though, is pray.