I am very comfortably in middle of my late twenties, and I have to say, amidst all the numerous anxieties and countless nights of overthinking that I have to live with and through, this is the best time of my life, for I have learned one very important thing about existence: if you can be happy with your own company, you will never be sad anywhere.
This is just based on my experience of course. For a really, really, really long time, I tried to fit my self into the so-called “squad mentality”. In high school, we call them “cliques” or in Filipino, “barkada”. I don’t know what I was thinking, convincing myself that I was happy to tag along a group of people to do the same things at the same time in the same place.
In hindsight, I knew it was the people pleaser in me that needed validation, but I am happy to report that I have shed that part of me (mostly) and now I can live with the fact that I am a type B loner, and be proud of it even.
Let me explain: there are two types of loners.
Class A loners are what you may consider as floaters. They don’t belong in any barkada or clique or squad or whatever you call them, BUT they may be accepted into these groups, provided they have an In (like a close friend who is a core part of the group) or something they can contribute (like a hang-out place or a supportive parent who likes to spoil his or her child with material things). Typically, a successful floater must have both. You may say that Type A loners are those we call user-friendly, and you’re 100% right. Because at the end of the day, even having an In doesn’t mean floaters become a true part of the group, because, you know, real friends shouldn’t ask for payment. Besides, floaters, for the most part, like being liked, but they also like being by themselves, or with other loners, preferably Type Bs.
Now, I am a Type B loner, so I’ll be kinder in my description, mostly Type Bs tend to be sensitive about these things. Type Bs are the unwelcomed ones, those cast out of cliques/ squads/ barkadas for one reason or the other, and are therefore unable to inflitrate any other group. Not that they would want to. They have had their taste of what it is like to be a faceless, nameless part of a whole, and so they would prefer to keep their face and their name, albeit alone. Still, being humans who are social by nature, Type Bs would seek out friendships with like-minded people i.e. those who do not need to be tied to their hips 24/7 but would be ready and available and willing should they need some QT together.
This makes Types As the best friend for Type Bs, if Type Bs believe in the archaic idea of needing a best friend to survive, which they don’t.
Back in high school, I was friends with a Type A loner, and she was always, always willing to extend invites to her Ins, which made me very uncomfortable, but I kept mum about it. Oh, and I had an In as well, not that I was eager to use her as much as my Type A loner friend used hers. I hope you don’t think badly of my Type A loner friend, or any Type A loners for that matter. Remember, high school is tough, for everyone. Looking back at it, we both survived high school the best way we could, and we ended up becoming people we can actually like, and even love. So all’s well. Now.
Still, if I could go back in time, I would probably tell my 15 year old self to quit wanting to please everyone and just be who I was. I may have made more better memories in high school if it didn’t take me until my 16th birthday to get an epiphany and realize that life isn’t meant to be lived for the validation of others.
So what if they would think you’re weird for liking your own company? The idea may be alien to them; it may even be something they’re terrified of testing on their own. But that doesn’t concern you, so why should it concern them? Live and let live.
And be happy.
P.S. This should go without saying, but I am more than just my Type of Loner, okay? TTFN.
I have to say, there’s a story plot her somewhere.