I haven’t forgiven Zayn for ditching the tour on the very week he was supposed to perform FOR THE FIRST TIME in the Philippines, but this song… My God. Everything about this is just oozing Zayn Malik, the young boy who caught my eye and made me want to learn everything about the band he was part of, the guy whose jawline and eye lashes and GENERAL SEX APPEAL captured me and never let me go, the man who broke my heart when he wasn’t in the concert I lined up for for four hours and waited for for a whole year! Now he comes up with his own music and IT’S JUST… HIM.

Sexy, honest, raw, hot.

I don’t know what to feel rn…

I can’t stop listening to it though…

I just … can’t…

13 Steps To Happiness


Darling, you have to learn how to live. Wake up every day of the week with a smile on your face. Give thanks for the ability to breathe. You’ve got to stop looking in the mirror for so long. You’ve got to read more books, instead of having them lay on shelves for years. You’ve got to compliment people you don’t know. You’ve got to see the clouds and learn to see a dragon chasing a Chihuahua. You’ve got to learn another language, and then visit its home country and use it. You’ve got to travel more lightly, only a backpack and your dreams. You’ve got to laugh at jokes that are no where near funny. You’ve got to come home and burn away your fears with a hot shower. You’ve got to change the sheets of your bed until you feel you’re in a five star hotel. You’ve got to love yourself some more. You’ve got to see the beauty in everyone else, to see the beauty within yourself. 


Of Mice and Me

I know I haven’t been keeping this blog as updated as I had promised to, but sometimes life gets to be so much, you just have to live it once, making writing about it, well, tiresome. I know you’ll understand, future me.

I do have an update today though.

I was already up and ready to go to work this morning, but changed my mind later on. It just didn’t feel right for me to go. So I am absent again, the sixth time this month alone. I know there’ll be consequences to this. For the first time though, I don’t feel guilty about it. I actually detached about everything right now, and it’s a great feeling, so I’m not complaining.

But this isn’t really what my update is about. No, it’s about the first vivid dream I got this year, which had a black rat as the main star.

I’ve never dreamed of a black rat before, much less a big one, almost resembling a black cat. I googled the possible interpretation and got this:

The first interpretation wasn’t really a surprise: I have been dwelling and drowning on these negative feelings since November. And yeah, I have done things I am not so proud of. The fact that black rats represent lying obviously strikes a cord. But it’s the last interpretation that really takes the cake (which is why it’s boxed in yellow).

In the dream, I was talking to mom about something I can’t remember, and then I went up to my old room (now my brother’s room) because my cat Twenty was there. A big black rat jumped out of nowhere and Twenty ignored it. I was grossed out. I don’t like rats, mostly because I grew up detesting them as much as my mom does. The rat wouldn’t leave the room, and I tried to catch it, even tried picking it up. It was really big for a rat, and it wiggled from my fingers and ran back up to the room. I think I was out of breath from trying to chase it out. I don’t remember how the dream ended, but I do remember trying to catch my breath as I woke up.

So basically, I dreamt of myself fighting off negativity, just when I had consciously stopped dwelling on them. Way to catch up, subconscious.

Now, as to why I have finally stopped dwelling on the nega: my visit to St. Paul College Makati last Saturday has given me a closure of sorts. The place, the people (including the kids), the system… they’ve remained the same. I haven’t. I have been romanticizing my memory and feelings for SPCM for so long, mostly because I didn’t get to fully process my departure when it happened, and because of my own pride. But now, I can honestly say: leaving SPCM when I did and going to AC when I did, was the best thing to happen, that happened.

And yeah, I don’t want to stay in AC any longer, but that’s not because of them. It’s me. I just don’t fit in the system, and I had to know first hand. I’m so thankful that I got the chance to, of course, but it’s really… not for me.

And I’m not saying/ writing this because I’m so confident of my prospects for new employment. I am, but more than that, I’m just being real here. Whether or not my prospects work, I know this is my first and last school year in AC. And that’s perfectly fine.

I got a copy of my old philosophy of teaching that I memorized back in senior year in college. Reading it made me emotional, because I know I have lived it for the first five years of my teaching career. This school year, I hadn’t, and I’ll probably feel bad about that, if I didn’t believe that it is possible for me to live that philosophy again.

My idealism is a part of who I am and I’m not ashamed to be defined by it. I am very excited for whatever lies ahead.