It is my nature to overthink things, to analyze the step by step process and schedule the best course of action. Often, this trait has helped me get things done properly. In the past two years though, I have learned that life is a series of unexpected events, and that I may not have full control of everything, but I do have some, and that it’s up to me to make the most of that some.
Last year, I told myself I’ll take it a day at a time. It was awesome. For the first time in my 25 years, I felt truly alive. I basked on the good, celebrated the great, learned from the bad and prayed through all of it. My faith has been restored, and it has been strenghtened. I’m not about to let go. God is my center and forever He will be.
When I turned 26 last August, I decided that it was high time to live the life I used to daydream about. A life that I would enjoy rereading when I’m old, or bored, or just getting nostalgic.
I am going to chronicle it in my LIVE journal, an art work in the making. I am going to dwell on the things I am grateful for, in that journal, and I am going to write to my heart’s content.
This 2015, I am going to be a strong woman, in all aspects that matter. With my family, I know nothing is impossible.
I am going to have adventures, through books and movies, and in my own wanderings.
I am going to find love, in His time, and through His grace.
I am going to cherish every moment, knowing that as time passes, we are making memories.
I am going to laugh, sing, dance, hug, kiss, skate, make music, play with Twenty, daydream, live, love and learn, and praise His glory for giving me this wonderful, awesome, epic life.
2015 is MY year to be an angel to others, as they have been to me.
2015 is MY year to be more than I thought I could. 2015 is MY year.
I am claiming it.
Reading this almost a year to the date that I posted it and feeling… meh?
2015 has indeed been my year — my year of surprises, of firsts, of many anxieties, and of stronger faith — not what I expected, but richer.
Re-reading this over and over makes me feel like I was psyching myself to believe in the positive, like it wasn’t a genuine belief that everything will fall into place because God has my life in His hands. I feel like I was pretending, because now I know how it truly feels to surrender everything to His will.
It feels lighter, calmer, easier… Life will get tough, but I know I am tougher, with Him by my side. I don’t need to plan my life to the letter, because He’s got me. I don’t need to be in control all the time. I just need to be.
So instead of feeling bad that for the most part, the stuff I hoped to accomplish this year didn’t happened, I am relieved that they didn’t. Because I know — I believe — that God has better plans for me. I’m not going to make a vision board for 2016, not just because I don’t think they actually work, but mostly because, this time, I am going to lift it all up to God, confident in the knowledge that He will lead me to where I ought to be, to reveal who I really am.