The Mediator

It’s 6:23 PM as I begin writing this, and I have roughly an hour left before my first Zumba class at Gym-de Manila. I really want to make it a habit and tonight’s session is going to be for free, so I figured I might as well grab the chance. Tomorrow, we’re going back to work/ school and I’m not really excited to it, though I don’t dread it as much as I used to. The mere fact that I can admit that I used to dread it, A LOT, is evidence enough that I am actually improving. Or at least, my mood/ perspective about it.

So what did I do today to improve my life?

Well, I took the MBTI personality test today (check out 16personalities.com). This is my nth time to take the test — don’t ask me why. Well, actually, if you did ask me, you’d know it’s because it’s my personality to always want to understand myself better. And today, I think I finally did.

When I took the test about a year ago (I think, I’m not so sure), I got the INFJ as a result. On paper, it was so nice to read that I was an INFJ. But there was a part in me that wasn’t convinced. I took the test again, once, twice, three times. I got INFJ twice in a row, and INTJ once. Reading through the description of an INTJ made me feel so lost. I was not that. The test that in the beginning made me feel so good about myself was starting to become a source of confusion and doubt, and I had a brainful of that already, so I decided to stop taking the test. I did, however, convinced most of my friends, to take it. Just for fun.

Anyway, I wasn’t doing anything today — just binge watching AlDub videos and stalking Maine Mendoza’s blog, because I LOVE HER — so I took the test again. I was hoping it’ll be INFJ again, because really. It would explain a lot about my, well, weirdness. But it wasn’t. I took it again, because I really wanted to know and understand why I’m getting the wrong personality.

It turns out later, after reading other posts about the MBTI and MBTI – inspired write-ups, that my first diagnosis was the wrong one. I’m not INFJ. I am INFP.

And that explains a lot more.

I mean, I know I am an introvert. Big crowds and parties suck the life out of me. I require prior mental preparation if I am expected to socialize to more than two people at a time. I get my energy re-charged when I am at home, on my bed, with a book or a movie or show at hand. I like being on my own, to the extent that I’ve equated romantic relationships as something of a great fantasy. I mean, on paper or on TV, it’s nice and entertaining. But IRL? Not my cup of tea. But when the fancy of fantasizing my own love story comes over me, I tend to visualize it as something flawless and ideal. The logical part in me knows that’s not going to be the case, unless of course God wills it. I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow I’d meet my match and break down all these beliefs. Then again, maybe not.

Either way, I do think and believe that I am an INFP. I hate confrontations. I hate criticisms even more, mostly because I do a lot of that already, internally. I am also very hard-working and passionate. Maybe not right now, at this very moment, but I know that if I find the right push, the right motivation, I will do everything in my power to produce results. I am determined to finish my AlDub/ MaiDen fan fic, and not just because I want to say that I did the NaNo2015, but also because I really do love their pairing, and they’ve inspired me to make this story up. I want to see it through (all the writer’s blocks and personal excuses) to the end.

Which I know will be a bit tricky, since we’ll be preparing for the English Week celebration AND the Intrams. The thing is, I don’t know why I am dreading my job. I love teaching. I love being a teacher. I haven’t felt like I was one since March, since I left my old school. I think that’s where the problem lies. A voice in my head tells me to do something about it. But what?

I guess I’ll have to figure it out. Later.

It’s 6:42 PM now. I’m going to get ready for Zumba now.

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