The Sunday Currently # 4

I’ve written a bunch of random stuff today and it feels so. effin. good. (Yes, I just sort of cursed. I’m THAT happy right now).

I wish I can capture this moment of absolute happiness and put it in a safety jar so when I feel utterly depressed again, I can just bathe myself in it and clear away the blues. I don’t know what made me feel so bad this last few days really. There could be a number of possible reasons, but I really don’t think it’s smart to dwell on those right now, not if I want to preserve this happy feeling. 

I do know that I am happy because:

  • I got to sleep well after days of not being able to.
  • when I woke up my brother had just gotten back home from his first trip to Boracay, wherein he got to ride on a plane at last.
  • I got to write a bunch of random stuff, as mentioned. 
  • this incoming week would technically be the last one, since the 4th and final parent conference for this year is this Friday’s.
  • I’m happy that mom will be coming with me tomorrow to Divisoria to buy the props for the cheerdance.
  • I’m, quite simply, living this life.

And in this life I am currently:

writing the fourth Sunday Currently! I can’t believe I got to do this for the whole month! #acheivementunlocked

watching and listening to the YouTube videos of the 4th Impact on The X-Factor UK. I really, really hope they win this, not just because they’re Filipinas but because I really, really do believe they deserve it.

thinking about the cheer part of the cheer dance. It’s quite frustrating that no one in the team would take the initiative to make up a cheer, and then when I suggested one, some of them reacted negatively. I’m trying VERY hard not to get stressed out by this anymore, just so I can actually enjoy this first for me. At this point, to be honest, I really just want to get it over with. I’m more excited for my first prom as a teacher which is in February.

wearing white shirt (that I’ve been bringing to school for the past few days as extra because the uniform is just too warm and I sweat easily and A LOT, but haven’t been able to wear for some reason) and gray shorts with my hair in a top bun.

smelling the beef steak I ate after I woke up from my siesta.

drinking water, as usual.

remembering how my learners reacted to me wearing the uniform for the first time this week. Some of them commented that I looked like I was playing dress up, while there was a bunch of girls who kept on urging me to wear dresses again. I don’t know what to make out with their inputs.

imagining Christmas with the Arguelles family! It’s 26 days to go till Christmas, which makes that one month left for 2015! Can you believe it! 2015 has been so wonderfully epic, I don’t know if I’m ready to say good bye to it just yet.

hoping that the UST Tigers win it all this Wednesday. I was so distracted yesterday during the practice for the cheerdance as I was tracking the live tweets for the Game 2. So happy Kevin Ferrer got his groove on and pushed for Game 3. I can feel it, this will be our year! #GoUSTe #IbalikAngKoronaSaEspanya #TigerProud

sitting on my bed, one of my favorite places in the world.

planning to attend and complete the Simbang Gabi starting December 16 for the second time. It’ll be trickier this time around since I would have to put up the effort to wake up extra early, commute to the Immaculate Conception Church in Concepcion Uno, and then commute to work. It’ll be worth it though. Plus, it’ll only really be three days (the 16th falls on a Wednesday) since work ends on the 18th. I can do that. I will do that.

thanking God for this wonderfully unpredictable life.

It’s already December on Tuesday! Hope you all have a happy December!

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You only have one life to live. 

You only have this day today. 

You only have right now.

You make it as it happens. 

No other forces can dictate on you. Yes, you may react to outside elements, but what you do is still on you. You alone are responsible for you. You alone know what to do, what to feel, what to think. External elements — your upbringing, your DNA, your faith, your hopes, dreams, motivations and aspirations — may be factored in. Scratch that: THEY MUST BE FACTORED IN. 

Because at the end of the day, you will have to face up to what you have done, and what you didn’t do. You will go through the consequences of all your decisions. You have someone with you, but it’ll still be you — on your own — who will have to deal with how it will affect your future.

So breathe in. Inhale. Take it all in. The now. Plan as much as you can. Pray as hard as you can.

Then push on. Exhale. Strive for variety. Strive for novelty. Strive for adventure. Be flexible. Be resilient. Be forgiving.

Learn from every moment, every mistake. Love. Live.

I know you can do it.

Believe that you can too.

Stuff I tell myself to remind myself that there is so much beauty in all the possibilities out there.

Stuff I hope to impart to my students and future children.

I want to keep smashing myself until I am whole.

Elias Canetti, The Human Province (via books-n-quotes)

  1. I have very high expectations of myself. 
  2. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t done enough. 
  3. Sometimes I have done so much already. 
  4. It’s never a fixed feeling. 
  5. There are days I feel too tired to care. 
  6. Then there are days that I can’t get enough of work. 
  7. I don’t know why I am like this.
  8. But I am very grateful that after twenty-seven years of exisitence, I have finally come to the point of my life where I am absolutely comfortable with who I am. 
  9. I may not be always happy or positive, but I always, always try to be. 
  10. I have down times, ugly cries, moments of depression, and feeling at a lost or worst, a failure.
  11. It’s part of who I am, a dark, ugly part, but a part of me nonetheless.
  12. I can’t explain it, but I push through it. 
  13. I don’t dwell on it as much because it’s a mere part of me, not me completely.
  14. I remind myself that life is a gift that we should all cherish. 
  15. I count my blessings, the things I have, the experiences I have had, the moments in life that has made me smile silly or laugh crazily. 
  16. I try my hardest to lift my spirits up. 
  17. It’s a choice, really, to be happy. 
  18. A personal choice that requires effort, work, self-respect and faith.
  19. Of the four, the last one is the most important. 
  20. I would probably be lost now if not for God.
  21. During the darkest times, I remind myself to just be still and let God lead me. 
  22. I hold on to the belief that everything in life passes, even the sad times.
  23. I hold on to my faith, knowing that God has something great planned for me.
  24. I allow myself to process my feelings, and surrender them all — both good and bad — to God. 
  25. I surrender my all to God.
  26. I break down to tiny pieces and raise it all up to Him who created me.
  27. And believe it when I say it: I feel 10x better afterwards.
  28. So I will keep on having high standards for myself. I will keep on holding on to God. I will push on through the bad times and work the hardest in finding the good. I will persist. I will believe.
  29. As long as I can breathe in, I will breathe in as much happiness as I can…
  30. …and be grateful that I am allowed to do so.

I am a work in progress and a working progress.

We’ll meet in just the right time for both of us. 

It wouldn’t be anything grand necessarily. We may not even be aware of it when it happens. But it will certainly be meaningful and wonderful to look back on.

When we meet, our lives will slowly get intertwined. It’ll take time, it’ll take effort, it’ll take work. But it will be inevitable. It will be destined. It will be unquestionable.

All of our misadventures, our mistakes, our regrets, our baggages, our failed dreams and hopes — they will all finally mean something good, because it will make sense at last. Why it didn’t work out with anyone else, why it had to take a LONG time, why we had to wait and keep the faith. All of these will become part of our story, enriching our union, as it had made us into the people we had to become, for us, and for each other.

God will be it’s center. He will glue us together and make us one. He will ensure that no matter what happens, we’d stick together. He will unite us, body, mind and spirit. He will be our Core, our Guide, our Protector, our King.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you are out there. I am just here. I’ll wait for you to be ready, and I know you’ll wait for me too. I promise you, when that day happens, I’ll be with you for the long run, no matter how difficult it would get. I will be your best friend, your partner, your person. We’ll be a team, a partnership, a union centered on God.

Take good care of yourself. Make the most of life now. Be happy. Be grateful. Smile. One day, we will do amazing things together. For now, we have to do them apart. It will be soon. 

Believe. 

Believe in love. 

I will.

The Matamis na Oo Chapter

Hindi ako fan ng emotionally-driven drama, whether reel or real life. I know it serves a purpose pero as much as possible, I want to keep a level-head in making decisions. Pagdating sa emotions, kapag pure emotions lang ang sinunod mo at di ka nag-isip, naku, sure way to drama yan, yung kind ng drama na komplikado at masalimuot. Masyadong maikli ang buhay para maging ganun. So if I was one of the KS writers, I’d like the steer clear from tangled, and quite frankly over-used, emotional drama and push for one that actually requires reflection and thinking from the characters.

Now, alisin muna natin ang confusion: we’re talking about the fictional Alden and Yaya Dub. The KS versions of these two love birds have gone through so much, in such a short time. We’re not going to dabble into the blurred lines of reality and fantasy kasi nga KOMPLIKADO IYON. Tsaka sa totoo lang, as much as I ship MaiDen, I know we can’t force them together kasi totoong mga tao sila, na may sari-sariling isip at damdamin. Pwede tayong kiligin for them pero hanggang dun lang. As for the KS Alden and Yaya Dub, who I assume,  since the fandom’s name IS AlDub Nation, we all ship intensely, we may have some say.

I think the writers take into account the thousands of feedback and suggestions. Minsan nga binabasag nila yung mga hula natin by mentioning it in the story or kung di man sila, isa sa TVJ or si Ryan or even si VP Allan. In short, nakikinig sila sa fans, which means and says a lot, kasi nga TAONG BAYAN ang gumawa sa AlDub, if you really think about it. That said though, di naman ibig sabihin atin na sila or anything. It’s just that we have invested so much time and effort (lalo na ang mga admin ng mga FB at Twitter pages, yung mga gumagawa ng vids, sila WhiteDove, ang mga SOCO team members, atbp.) on them because we CARE where their story goes. Real talk: nung mga panahong sad ang KS, di ko maalala kung ano yung nagpapasaya sa akin bago nagkaroon ng KS na masaya, at alam ko madaming nakaka-relate dun.

Which now leads me back to how I want this new beginning to unfold: Una, gusto kong bumalik ang balls ni (KS) Alden. Gusto kong diretsahan niyang tanungin si Yaya (and say “Yaya” or “Divina” BUT NOT Maine because again, nakakalito yun uy!) kung ano na sila. Kailangan sa kanya manggaling ang tanong at kay Yaya ang sagot just like in real life. Kailangan maitanong yun agad – agad, as in bukas na, kasi they left off yesterday’s episode with an almost kiss, one of the worst cliffhangers used in literature IN ALWAYS (in my opinion anyway). Ayusin nyo yan uy!

Now, syempre ang gusto kong sagot ni Yaya ay Oo, pero that part pwede pa nilang patagalin. KAHIT NA NASABI NA NIYA KAY LOLA BABAH! Mas gugustuhin ko pang patagalin nila yun kasi gusto kong bigyan si Yaya ng depth of character. Paano na ang scholarship? Paano na sila Lola Nidora at Tidora? May say ba sila kung saan, kelan at paano sasagutin ni Yaya si Alden, officially?  

Third, mentioning the Lolas, hanggang saan ang extent ng guidance nila Lola sa AlDub relationship? Sa kulturang Pinoy, kapag legit AT legal kayong mag-on, hindi lang siya ang bagong part ng buhay mo kundi buong pamilya niya. I’m excited as to how they will explore and promote this unique Filipino culture of family.

Lastly, at dito na po papasok ang drama na kahit ayoko talaga e alam kong kailangan for the growth of their relationship and for their own individual progress na din: I want Yaya and (KS) Alden to have a serious quarrel over a serious issue that they just can’t agree on. What ever that is, di ko pa alam. Something na malaki at magkakontra sila. Something na will test their love for each other, kasi di naman ibig sabihin mahal mo, lagi kayong pareho di ba? Gusto kong maipakita nila na walang perfect love, pero meron way na mapagdaanan yung hurdle na iyon basta kakapit lang. Kung pwede ngang isama nila si God sa storytelling, bakit hindi. (I don’t think that’ll be offensive to other religions, anyway.)

These last episodes have proven na ang AlDub ay tunay na reflection ng buhay (exaggerated man), na may mga trials na dadating, na masakit at mabigat sa damdamin, pero at the end of it all, love conquers all, if love faces it bravely.

Masayang balikan paminsan minsan yung mga old episodes, pero tapos na tayo sa kilig, honeymoon phase after the Tamang Panahon. Seryosong usapan na. Ihalo ang mga pick-up lines, knock-knock jokes, spell-out jokes at kung anu-ano pang jokes, pero gawin nang seryoso sa huli. Ilatag na ang status. I-klaro na ang malalabo. Hanapin na ang singsing at ang missing pages ng diary. Syempre ipapagamot pa si Cindy, at magpapakasal pa sila ni Frankie. Pabalikin na si Lola Tinidora kasi miss ko na siya. 

AT BUMAWI NG BONGANG BONGA SA 20TH WEEKSARY! KAILANGAN!

As for the real life Alden and Maine a.k.a. MaiDen, sa totoo lang, as much as I admire them for seeming to be so tireless and hard at work, kasi syempre they’re young naman at kaya naman talaga nila (siguro) ang mga puyatan na ginagawa nila, gusto ko na sila talagang mag-time out muna. Siguro binubuhos lang nila ngayon lahat para sa Christmas break, di natin sila ma-mimiss masyado. Baka nga. As for their status, as I’ve said, ayoko silang pangunahan. I admire them too much to invade that part of their lives. If they are together, they should be together for no other reason but because their good for each other, that even without the cameras rolling, they make each other feel better. If they aren’t, then, like I’ve written before, I hope they become great friends who will support and protect each other for life.

Whew! Ang haba nito. Sa totoo lang, ilang araw ko na yata itong pinipigilang pag-isipan at isulat. Minsan kasi nagui-guilty ako sa intensity ng concern at fascination ko sa AlDub MaiDen, thinking that it has become obssessive. Pero hindi naman. I think a majority of the AlDub Nation are critical thinkers who are entertained by this phenomenon not just because of the kilig feels, nor because of its novelty, but also because it is the best example of Filipino life. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Madami pang pwedeng ma-explore na aspect ng pagka-Filipino.

Sana ituloy pa nila ang magandang nasimulan.
 

This performance made me tear up unexpectedly. A definite MUST WATCH.

I’ve been following 4th Impact’s journey in the current season of The X-Factor UK and this is by far, my favorite performance of theirs yet. Until this, I really loved their rendition of “Love the Way You Lie” by Rihanna. 

I know they’re great in dancing as well, and all of their other performances have been, as Rita Ora once commented, perfection, but I really love it when they sing slower songs and showcase their individual ranges as well as some vulnerability. (Note to self: Vulnerability has become so attractive to me, and I have a feeling to a whole lot of Filipinos as well, in the past few months, as we’ve seen once-normal everyday people rise to stardom just by being who they are. I pray that I also master my own self and be more honest with myself, and in turn, with others. I think that’ll be key in letting my true light shine.)

Seriously, I’ve been around great Filipino singers — I’ve even had one as a classmate back in high school — and I am aware of just how talented Filipinos are in the performing arts (and in other forms of art as well, only not as supported), that I sometimes find it amusing how foreigners act all surprised by what they can do. It may be prejudice, or it may be because we have milder, calmer personalities (at least in most cases) that when performers like 4th Impact or Marlisa Punzalan (winner of The X-Factor Australia 2014) or Cyrus Villanueva (winner of THIS year’s The X-Factor Australia) or Charice (Google her! I mean it!) show their true colors while performing, they get so amazed. while I pretty much expect it because I believe in Filipino talent. 

Sometimes I feel bad that we need external affirmation to believe in our own, but then if you think about it, I guess it all boils down to how humble we are as a people, to the extent that we sometimes (a lot of times?) sell ourselves short, until someone else comes along and tells us something we don’t — CAN’T — see for ourselves. 

I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I think humility and vulnerability are two of the most attractive traits, partly because I have yet to master them myself (working on it though), but mostly because I believe in that Bible verse that goes: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” 

I really hope and pray that 4th Impact wins it all in the end, but if God has other greater plans for them, I pray that they always remember to be there for each other, and to always, always promote and live out the Filipino values and heritage of humility.